$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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