Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
