4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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