God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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