I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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