I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they're like a gay fantastic four
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
