your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
