it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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