cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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