Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
