Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
