dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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