Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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