My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
