I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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