you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
