By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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