fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
