You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
