i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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