Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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