I think my fart just growled at me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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