getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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