Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
