God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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