Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
