I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
