we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
