Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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