Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
