im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
