There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
