some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sorry about my life...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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