A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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