They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
