you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
