Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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