i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
