I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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