Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
