At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
