How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
