babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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