Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
