oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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