I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
