if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
