Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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