also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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