If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
