we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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