Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize