Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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