I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
