Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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