The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They took my balls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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