Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
