Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
