I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
