What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
