Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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