That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
