Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
