Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
