At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
