This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We just shotgunned beers for America
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
