Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
