dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
