Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
