It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
