in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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