You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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