you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
