My cat gives me a boner
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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