We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think i have two assholes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
