Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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