Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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