All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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