There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His nipple licking is glorious
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