either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
