Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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