dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The power of my boobs compel you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
