Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
