I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
