"it" just moved
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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