from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
