Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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