Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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