I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
